I grew up on the Mississippi River, in Memphis, TN. Water does not only form our western border, water is all over the city itself. The Wolf River winds its way into the Mississippi here, and small streams and creeks are woven throughout the neighborhoods. Much of the city’s storm runoff system is made up of these water channels reinforced with structure and drains.
I am a member of the Southern diaspora, but do not appear so at first glance. Many people I know in Memphis work ceaselessly for justice and equity, and I love the meme that asks us to “Consider the South to be large communities of people of color and small resistance cells held hostage by fascist governments.” I am not alone in my belief that the American South is key to shifting how we live, to teaching us how to work together, to building the world we need to survive crisis and change.
Community is a word I've heard often. It's a word I embrace as theological, spiritual, and political. I was mostly raised in smaller congregations of less than 75 people. Church often included Sunday mornings, Wednesday evenings, music rehearsals, and then plenty of potlucks and play dates throughout the year. As a young adult I started my search for the "perfect" church. Often that was simply boiled down to theology. I thoroughly enjoyed college classes, and being part of four different churches into my twenties that each had their own theological identity and sense of community. However, in my 30's it's been harder to get the sense of community that I long for.
For most of my adult years starting in college, I belonged to (liberal) Mennonite churches in Kansas, Oregon and Denver. I was drawn to their commitment to social justice and a Jesus-centered understanding of the Bible. As a pastor, I enjoyed the camaraderie I felt with other youth pastors, and clergy in general. But as I worked in an urban setting for 7 years, I became a bit disillusioned with the word "community." To be clear, I do not think this is a Mennonite shortcoming, nor a shortcoming of the congregation that employed me. I think it is a growing conversation with most congregations and denominations, even if they proclaim community as a priority.
Simply put, it can be challenging for some people to feel the depth of community and belonging they seek. Too often in my one congregation, I heard stories of long-time congregants (over 10 years at one church) feeling a lack of community, or that community was disappearing. I spent much of my last three years in that church trying to put my finger on the causes and answers to the community question.
One of the hardest things to do is to answer a question with a singular answer. Here's a list of singular answers I've heard, and probably even believed at one point along the way:
People don't care anymore. This is sometimes as specific as the young people don't care about community as much as we do.
People are lazy, usually in reference to Sunday morning attendance and/or volunteer opportunities.
We need to recapture what I had growing up. This usually indicates some time before the year 2000.
People have more money, so they're traveling too much to build community.
People have more options now, so they're skiing, camping, etc.
Families care more about sports than they do community.
If you want it/community bad enough, you'll make changes to "show up".
The preaching/music/Sunday School isn't good enough to bring people back every week
I'm torn writing this post, because I probably agree AND disagree with a part of each of these statements. As paid staff/clergy, I was also told that a pastor was THE determining factor, and each church needed to find the "perfect" pastor in order to build and maintain community (8). The truth of the matter is, all of these have a bit of truth. It takes a bit of work to define community. If nothing else, I am certain that people in the same church have different definitions of community.
Not-caring (1) Some people don't care anymore, and the "young" people are included. But I don't think this stems from ill-will. I think it stems from changing expectations. I know people who long for community around conversation instead of liturgy. Who long for community around activities that take place beyond a church building. (And this includes some of the "older" people too!)
Laziness (2) People are lazy. But I don't think it stems from laziness as a bad word, but from the work ethic of long hours, let alone parenting that often includes hours of activities beyond school and church. When church maintains and community identity of work, some people are looking for a respit from work, and a church life that is a healthy piece of their lifestyle. Some people need a church with limited/specific volunteering. Some people need a more casual and slow approach to church. Others need a bit more "play," amidst church cultures that often feel more like work.
Nostalgia (3) People are nostalgic, and many long to recapture "the good old days" (I got used to saying, "Make Church Great Again"). Just as some people long for the USA of the 50s, the same can be for church before 2000. But many of those same people enjoy what is fracturing community - automobiles, internet, wifi, increased discretionary spending, etc. Would we give up the advances we enjoy, for the old style of community?
Choice & Options (4-5) People are traveling and taking advantage of other options. Whether it's retired people taking long breaks from church to travel out of the country, or adults and families taking day or weekend trips to rest and play. Some people simply enjoy sleeping in, spending time with neighbors (who are not part of their church), and enjoying the houses that have grown in size over the past century.
Another reality, is the economic privilege of having Sundays away from work. There are many jobs that require a Sunday morning workforce - one of which is the restaurants where many of our neighbors, youth, and young adults work. While some people are traveling, many do not have the time nor money to travel - an economic question the church of Sunday mornings has done little to address.
Sports (6) Sports and other activities also get a bad reputation in some circles, as they take more of the weekends and evenings that used to be designated for churches. However, it has also been a way to integrate and build community! People might look different, vote different, and believe different - but they can still wear the same jersey and play the same sport. I'm not sure these relationships will help you through life's hardships as church have done throughout time, but they do offer community that churches still struggle to build.
Desire vs Access (7) People may not want the "old" style of community as much. It's not necessarily a question of good or bad, but it does represent a change in culture. Churches are still overwhelming segregated. Sports offer opportunities to integrate, and in Denver I see more diversity in my childrens' activities than I ever do at the churches we've visited and been part of. Sports can still segregate, but I think their percentages are still far better than churches. Churches are also becoming less multi-generational, while sports and activities are often at least as intergenerational, if not more so. Finally, sports and activities bridge the religion gaps. Atheists, Jews, Muslims, and Christians are with my children on a weekly basis - to be part of a multi-faith country and community, I thoroughly enjoy the community of parents I spend time with each week.
So where does this leave church and my search for community? To be honest, I'm still figuring it out. But at the very least, I am willing to admit that community is changing, and that the church is no longer the epi-center for community that it used to be for people. It might still be quite important for identity, major moments in life, and a certain kind of community. But the 21st century is showing that church does not have the capacity to build the beloved community that is truly diverse and integrated.
For now, my family is content building relationships beyond one congregation, and realizing that our neighbors and teammates are providing the community that feels good and healthy right now. It's hard, and comes after a decade of slowly grieving the community I grew up with. But I can't see myself ever going back after experiencing the beloved community offered by those who believe and look different than I do.
