I’m halfway through my third week with a broken leg. In a month, I have my first doctor visit for post-op and my recovery timeline is 6 to 8 months. The two titanium pins in my knee are doing well, as you can see, and I can begin light load bearing balance and small movement exercises.
I have a world of respect for the discipline of physical therapy. Terrible insurance coupled with a holiday schedule is meaning that I’ll only have 3 actual appointments with a physical therapist in person before my assessment. Much -virtually all- of the work will need to be done by me, at home, with what I have here. I am deeply grateful that I have been here before, and know very well that compliance with these movements is key to my healing,
One of my church members and his boyfriend came over and cleared out the guest room. They moved a ton of boxes and unpacked them into shelves all over the house. As for the 45 or so remaining boxes, they made a giant tower in the corner of the room, and gave us enough floorspace to use the room a little bit. One of our Christmas gifts a few years ago was a portable professional grade massage therapy table. We’ve now set that up as the focus of a therapy center, with yoga ball, rollers, resistance bands, and platforms for eventual stepping exercises.
A childhood friend has sent me two science fiction book series, and I have long delayed social media tasks to do. I have a few writing projects on the horizon, like a play writing class, and I want to read to prepare as well as just for fun. I have a book of Sam Shepard plays that I will put aside when we unpack it. I’d love your suggestions as well.
I am still having moments when my frustration wins, and I break down crying. I am not patient with myself as a rule, and that’s something I need to work on broadly, and very specifically for this. A mentor of mine used to ask in astonishment why on earth it was so easy for me to extend grace to others but not to myself. That was an important turning point for me, and I have been actively trying to be kinder to myself for years now. It takes a lot to shift a lifetime of behavior, but I feel like this experience will be another watershed in my capacity to just be nicer to myself.
My husband has been amazing, and my friends and church members are all figuring out ways to help. We are in such a strange limbo space, having literally moved into a new house 2 weeks before I broke my leg. All of the things will still happen -unpacking, arranging furniture, hanging art, setting up the hydroponic indoor gardens- but they will simply be more slowly paced than we’d planned. We all know that we plan, and God laughs. Ha.
Right now, my life is about the most basic things. And figuring out how cleaning can happen! That eludes me… But otherwise, the fundamental action life is the driver of my order of operations for a while. At first, I was pretty isolated to the bathroom and bedroom. Slowly, my world has expanded and late last week, I even sat outside where the incident occurred. It’s a difficult place to get to safely right now, and I’ve only been that once. But it felt important to do as soon as it could be managed. Perhaps like that getting back on the horse after a fall thing…
Running the few outside errands that I have has been more taxing than I’d anticipated, but I guess that’s a good metric. When they don’t exhaust me, I’m getting stronger. And it’s nice to get out of the house. I found during the height of Covid that for me, some measure of getting out and about IS a fundamental action.
Except for that first week, I’ve managed to write this blog and our weekly newsletter, and the Monday Morning Prayers have been uninterrupted. It’s not that adhering to the Collective production schedule has been easy, but it hasn’t been a burden either. Keeping this rhythm of communication has emerged as important enough for me myself that I might include it too in my fundamental actions. Something like this pattern, anyway.
I enjoyed the upper body strength I gained 15 years ago when I broke the other leg. I’ve always regretted letting myself lose it, and figuring out some ways to stay strong will be fun, and a good question for my therapy team. Adherence to the physical therapy regimen will help with many things, not just my knee’s healing. Ten years ago, I underwent a series of PT sessions to relearn how to walk without pain. I need to refresh several of those techniques, and this is the perfect opportunity.
It’s a bit surreal to experience this roller coaster. I’m not sure I’ve been as aware of the bitter and the sweet so entangled since my mother died five years ago. It still then took some reflection to really perceive those undulations between peaks and valleys. This isn’t as extreme, not so severe, but it’s also traumatic in its own way -this awareness is a gift.
I am sure that the pressures of this time of year are weighing on you in whatever ways that happens. End-of-year fiscal close, Holiday-season concerts and parties, Christmas/Hanukah/Yule/Kwanza -whatever your stressor, may peace be with you. Find some silence. Slow down if you can. Choose rest when given the choice. and remember, that none of us is meant to do this alone.