It is the small connections that anchor us not only to each other, but to our own lives and selves. I’m a fan of the four-way stop as a traffic intervention because it forces interaction between drivers. But all the small exchanges matter. Nodding to the stranger we pass on the street, or the neighbor. Taking the extra minute for the next question. It’s more than giving up a parking place.
This has been a frightening week in America.
Now, that’s a loaded statement, I know. It has been a frightening week in America many times. And it is often a frightening week in America for those among us. It may frequently be for you.
But for the first time since 9/11, we are having a collective experience that will change us forever. Many more people will die in the next month than died on that day. And the numbers could be staggering if we do not radically change every one of our patterns, our regular day-to-day activities, right now.
Right. Now.
And that is scary enough. Can I really remember to not touch my face? It seems not. I am apparently enslaved by my itchy eyeballs, buzzy ears, and dry lips. But I am determined to change this behavior. Can I really not see my loved ones? I must not. Can you really wash your hands that much? As long as you have soap, get to it. Can we all truly just stay home? We must end the cycles of transmission and extreme isolation is the best way to do that. The final step is quarantine so just do it now by choice. Stay. Home. Self-quarantine, people.
I’ve been calling it quasi-quarantine. Until this week, when I plan to stay home altogether, I and my spouse have gone out some to grocery shop, and I have seen my best friend and a few others. We began household changes of “home-only-clothes” and no shoes inside 2 weeks ago. And now we plan to hunker down.
But I know many of us also carry the looming doubts about our inaction. How am I going to pay rent? Or that damn phone bill? Did I get homebound soon enough? Did we wait too long? Who chooses what media we’re absorbing, whose fear and projections wash over it all, which interpretations should reign? Does any of it even matter if so many other people are endangering others at each moment?
Yes. Yes, it does. Every single choice matters right now and yet it is also true that there is no precisely right way to do this. There are things we must all be aware of, yes, but we are each going to develop our own patterns as we live into this time. Every child is experiencing this –there’s no need to worry yours will fall behind, even if tests are missed and trips untaken. Every workplace is affected –somehow, we will make decisions that bring reconciliation, even if all business will not survive.
And like climate change, whether someone believes a global pandemic is happening or not, it is. Which brings to bear a much greater burden on those of us who are aware. We must stay put. Stay home. Isolate and quarantine. Clean and sanitize. If you have the resources to do this, you must.
On our own so much, the fear, anxiety, and boredom can be overwhelming. Well, I’m a GenXer. We’re never bored. But the rest of you… We can begin to feel alone and small, or manic and panicked. But we are not alone. In fact, we are all here in some way.
And that is the truth: We are connected in the midst of this. Some in fear, yes. But also in generative, connective ways.
Connective action –and inaction- is the key.
At some point, this connective action must begin with the internal. Even if we’re isolated with family, there will be solitude. There will be silence. There will be time to count breaths, to listen to heartbeats. Sometimes, I don’t know myself well or see myself clearly, and I could spend more time being with me. We are also deeply connected to each other at this ground level of being. And to Creation, to Earth and all beings. To find this rhythm, to rest on that ground, requires a radical connective inaction of simply being still.
And yes, this time is opening up all sorts of new ways to connect externally. Begin with reaching out to your separated family and friends. Are you part of a church or social group? Send an email or message. Just check in. There are also Mutual Aid systems developing everywhere, communities of assistance and help in response to need. Many of these require that you have an internet connection or a presence in any of the social media platforms to at least find out about them. (And I mean any platform. Mutual Aid groups are forming and posting across the country on Instagram, Pinterest, FaceBook, Twitter, Meet-up.)
Any and all of the ways that we have developed to connect online are being used in this way. Searches might include keywords “COVID19, Your region or city, Help, Assistance, Mutual Aid, Resources” or could be hosted by non-profits or Houses of Worship. Several municipal jurisdictions have coordinated volunteers as well. If you cannot find anything in your area, please send us a message on our contact us page.
If you don’t have a solid internet connection or any social media presence and are not sure of anything to do, may I suggest notes and letters? Of course to friends and family but also consider writing to soldiers and prisoners. They always need mail, and real connections can be made. At the very least, these who are so often alone and isolated will be reminded that they are in fact not.
I am not suggesting that you find a bundle of good works to do or that you establish a new set of personal spiritual disciplines. What I am suggesting is that you reach.
I ask you reach in, and connect with yourself, with God if that’s your bag, with your family if they are with you. You don’t need a revelation, or to find any state of mind. But we are all human beings who have always needed to settle into what that means.
I ask you to reach out in some way. You don’t have to fix anything. But pick up the phone and call a distant family member. Text your friends. Maybe end up cutting old curtains into mask patterns or running errands for the elderly –who knows? Please know that you aren’t the only one unsure what to say, or even if your overture will be wanted, or enough. It will be. You are. And you will.
Be well. Be at peace.
Breathe and be still.
Many among all of us live in fear daily. Generally. All the time, not just when we are on lock-down due to global pandemic protocols. The undocumented fear ICE. The beaten spouse fears date night. Women walking alone at night fear rape. The young black scholar fears trigger happy police. And those with acute climate awareness fear the coming crisis.
For those of us deeply immersed in the environmental worlds, we fear in part this we are experiencing right now -global pandemics, as they are a known part of a predictable climate apocalypse. But we also fear many things, or if we do not actively FEAR them, for that is part of this whole issue itself, we do know they are coming. We have acknowledged the fear along with its cousins despair and grief and integrated them into our world views. Hopefully. And I do mean both that I hope many of us have been able to do that integration itself, and that we have done so with hope.
Fear can be a good thing, as a sign and a signal for action. Fear can also lead quickly to very bad things, of course. We see those things easily. Fear is the rationale for far too many dangerous, violent, and divisive actions. But fear can also be the only alert to true danger. It can be an alarm, although it’s never a place to stay, with its constant bells and lights and their never-ending stimulus assaults. Neither fear nor anger is grounds on which permanent action can stand, although they have been the catalysts for much.
The fear to look out for is the creeping fear, that which is backbone of so many thrillers and horror stories. Creeping fear gains power when it is not faced. And some of our creeping fears are smacking us upside the head at the moment. For instance, many of us have long had a creeping fear that the integrity of news outlets had become too compromised by financial ties. When that creeping fear intersects with the worry that vetting be impossible and fact-checking a doomed endeavor, who the hell do you turn to in a global crisis?
Yes. Creeping fear is what feeds our uncertainty, what makes the air feel eerie as our cities slowly shut down. And thankfully, it is this kind of creeping fear that is combated effectively by what is most needed right now. Individual action (or in this case radical inaction) coupled with extreme mutual aid and assistance will transform this pandemic crisis.
This is a time when individual action has great community impact. Right now, the actions of each person will affect the whole in very tangible ways. We will be able to see it nationally when the virus runs its course, in colorful maps with real data. Where people flattened the curve and where they didn’t. Where deaths were in the hundreds and where they were in the thousands. Where systems of aid and support developed and where they didn’t. But those are the aggregate effects of each person, and much more easily seen.
I’ve never seen a more direct example of the small affecting the large as this right here. Many of us believe that we must embody the changes, the attitudes, the perceptions that we want to see in the world –we are the agents of change. In my Christian language, I am acting as the hands and feet of God and what I bind and name here in that work has deep and real impact.
The fear is real, because the danger is. But the hope is very real, too. The external mimics the internal, the outer world reflects the inner. The small things each one of us does or does not do can be felt around the world. And as we have all had stabs and waves of fear, if we’re honest, we can also be open to this hope. That we will shift. That we can change. For we must. But for now…
Be still. Breathe. Be grateful.
